Revolver he sang back in the 1990s that “summer is not good ally for the reason”. It may be true or may not, but what does seem clear is that summer is a good ally for divorces. During the summer (third quarter of the year) are requested approximately 33% of divorces for the entire year. If you look at the calendar… we will give account that we are immersed in full-time star of marital separations. And we want to know why. And what can we do to prevent this, clear.
Why do we have more crisis of couple in summer?
The views in this regard are varied, but they come together on some common points, as the rupture of the routine that, many times, it requires us to live by inertia. Helena Trujillo, psychoanalyst, considered that summer is the time that actually is live, away from work and school routines. «Problems arise because each one is displayed as it is».
«In summer, to spend free time, independence having couples during the year is compromised. In couples little cohesive or without a real commitment, the consequences can be serious”, provides, for its part, Amaya Terrón, psychologist.
Cracks do not usually occur during the summer itself, but on the way back. According to María Teresa López, Director of the extraordinary Chair of family policy of the Complutense University, “the explanation is relatively simple. The longest cohabitation is what leads to increase the number of divorces».
Sex also has its importance in the increase in divorces. Esteban Cañamanes, a clinical psychologist and sexologist, considered that, with the arrival of more time free, ‘very high expectations are set, and when they are not met, the situation becomes more frustrating and worse’.
The equation seems clear: excess of free time + a previous problem = summer couple crisis.
Tips to avoid it
If there is a previous problem in one of the two parts of the couple, or the couple themselves as set, ideally go to a professional consultation until the situation to overflow and has no solution.
If we talk specifically about avoiding holiday conflicts, there are some tips that can help, According to the psychologists Elia Bernabéu and Alicia López de Fez:
Before the holidays
- Adjust expectations to reality, without too much idealizing the holiday period.
- Agree on where and how you want to spend your holiday, by respecting the tastes of each.
The first day
- Assume that the first day of vacation we won’t get disconnected at all. After months of stress, adapt to a completely different pace requires a few days.
- Avoid falling into the phenomenon of the cooker to pressure. Many experts have compared the effect that causes the stress with a pot to pressure which fills over a period of time. It is easy that the first day of the holiday that pot explodes and results in a great deal of discussion.
During the holidays
- Not wanting to compensate, going 24 hours a day together, the time in which we don’t see ourselves in the rest of the year. Activities alone is as important as doing so as a couple. What is important is not the amount of time that we spend together, but the quality of the same.
- Not to take vacation days to address the thorny issues of the relationship.
- Take care of the bases of the relationship: affection, conversation and sex.
When there are children
- Work still have moments of intimacy. Not become only father and mother remain also a couple.
To return home
- Do not make decisions on hot. If there have been problems during the holidays, analyzing them and trying to solve them. Adequate, as in so many cases, professional assistance can provide a way of arrangement.
In conclusion, if you have started the holiday and things have been complicated, you see more discussions than during the rest of the year or what you expect summer couples is not complying… Remember that you are not the only ones and that, probably, the problem has a solution.
The influence of the families
Summer is the most propitious time for we meet the respective families. But, sometimes, what was expected as a time of happy coexistence, It turns in a tense stress and conflict.
Two members of a couple who are accustomed to living alone may notice big changes at the time that pass to share housing with other members of the family (parents, siblings, etc., of one of them).
The solution, according to Linda Carroll, coach of couples therapy, is to find private within the maelstrom of family moments. Look for a time each day to be together, alone.
To Alicia López de Fez, it is necessary to plan the times that are passed with the respective families, that both spouses agree on it.
If there are children, it is necessary mark the limits of coexistence with the respective families. Possible meddling by family on issues such as meals, costs, etc., will be much more serious if the matter that is the education of children (grandchildren or nieces and nephews, for them). Establish boundaries that cannot be crossed (for example, that no member of the family de-authorise parents in educational guidelines of the child) in advance is key to ensuring positive cohabitation which do not that the couple will suffer.